Sunday, May 1, 2011

Phake Products of the Pharm

Our beef today is with strawberries and, specifically, with those distributed by Driscoll’s, formally Driscoll Strawberry Associates, Inc., of Watsonville, CA 95077—just in case you wish to send them a thumbs-down letter yourself. Their slogan is “Follow us to the Farm,” but I fear that if I followed them, I would encounter there some kind of phactory that makes phake strawberries that look great, are supernaturally big, have zero taste if you disregard a kind of sour yuk and potato-like innards, and a tendency rapidly to rot phrom within. Brigitte and I stood above a Discoll’s box of so-called strawberries—this after tasting one or two and cutting up a bunch more—and we put out our arms, balled our fists, and cursed this shoddy product of modern engineering and its phabricator (surely not grower) Driscoll! Enouf already oph this crap you put out, Discoll’s, not least your so-called blueberries, the size of tangerines, with color that doesn’t even turn the tongue blue, and a taste just like so-called strawberries. No more of our dollars will go Driscoll's way iph we can help it!


  1. I've felt this way for years about Driscoll's strawberries. That's why I planted a strawberry patch out in back of our Wixom house. If I can find a sufficiently sunny spot at our new home, I plan to do the same. By the way, if we don't sell our Wixom home by the end of May or beginning/middle of June the Darnays and Magees are welcome to go pick fresh strawberries in our backyard in Wixom. Would hate to see them go to waste.

  2. We had some Driscoll's strawberries this morning that were pretty good, so I guess it's possible to luck into a good box.

    I wish I could remember who distributed the strawberries we had last weekend. They were truly delicious.

  3. Thanks Joyce. We will make sure those strawberries of yours do not go to waste, though, we do hope the house sells before the strawberries come in.